Tower Bridge, London

I love the UK, and I have ever since I set foot in the country all those years ago and walked through Customs in Heathrow without seeing a single person getting their luggage checked. That being said, there are some things I simply don’t understand about the UK and probably never will… but I’m willing to put up with these little eccentricities. Here is my list of the UK’s good, bad, and ugly.

The Good:

• The pubs. Australia may have great weather, but Australian pubs are simply not up to scratch. Here in the UK there’s a pub on every second corner, each with a good selection of beers on tap and any number of comfortable chairs and benches to stretch out on in front of the fire. If you’re lucky your local establishment will be the sort that lets people leave their muddy wellingtons at the door, and which makes the most of the local produce to provide some of the best pub food around.
• The clothes. It’s no secret I’m slightly obsessed with River Island, but there’s a huge number of other equally fantastic (but reasonably priced) brands - TopShop, H&M, Zara, Next, New Look, Monsoon, FCUK… the list goes on. What’s even better is the fact that you have to wear my two favourite clothing items - coats and boots - most of the year because of the weather. Which brings me to my next point…
• The weather. This falls into the ‘Good’ and the ‘Bad’ categories. On the plus side, it snows in the UK, something that is far more unusual in Australia (unless you live in the snow fields of Victoria or New South Wales) than it is here. Snow is still a novelty to me and I expect it always will be.
• The newspapers. How did I ever get by without the Guardian in my pre-UK life? The selection of papers here in the UK is enough to make your eyes water, and when you consider that capital cities in Australia really only have one paper of their own and share the national paper, ‘The Australian’, you really have to wonder how anyone in Australia manages to have anything other than a mainstream opinion about world affairs. Diversity is the key, and the UK certainly has that.
• The junk food. Crisp flavours in the UK are fantastic, as you may remember if you read my post about chips. Sweets (or as I refer to them, lollies) are great as well - Bassetts, wine gums, midget gems, Haribo, Galaxy… is it any wonder I manage to put on weight whenever I’m in the UK?

The Bad:

• The girls. Not all the girls, just some of them. In particular, the ones that coat themselves in fake tan, pluck their eyebrows into non-existence, wear skirts that show the world their choice of bikini waxing, and have super-long plastic nails that click-clack whenever they move their fingers. These same girls are the ones that get pissed on Stella and vodka mixers, over-exaggerate their regional accents, and want to be Katie Price ‘when they grow up’. Luckily they rarely inhabit the same haunts as I do, so I generally don’t have to put up with them.
• The weather. It’s bloody cold, and you rarely see the sun shine. Coming from the land of outdoor barbeques and days at the beach, adjusting to temperatures that freeze your ears and nose in seconds and your fingers and toes in minutes isn’t easy. Luckily I have come up with a remedy - whisky.
• Expensive everything. The food, the alcohol, the petrol, the clothes, the football tickets… you name it, it costs double what it does in Australia, and not just because of the dodgy exchange rate. Luckily I get paid in GBP or I’d really be struggling.

The Ugly:

• Rooney and Ronaldo. Why does the majority of the UK worship the ground these guys walk on? One loses his temper whenever he misses a goal and the other is more concerned about keeping his perfect hairstyle in place throughout the 90 minutes of the game than he is about the welfare of the rest of his team mates. Ridiculous!
• Fish and chips the British way. Instead of doing the civilized thing and having some lightly battered fish with some chips and slices of lemon, the Brits seem to be fascinated with curry sauce, mushy nuclear-coloured peas, and chips that are more liquid than solid. Disgusting.