Dear citizens of Prague,

I was lucky enough recently to find myself spending a week exploring your beautiful city. The weather was wintry and crisp, the Christmas markets were in full swing, and every Prague native I encountered was happy, polite, and genuinely eager to help. I loved Prague Castle and the Jewish Quarter, the beer halls and the cobbled alley ways, the stained-glass cathedrals and the incredible architecture. Even in the tourist hub of the Old Square the prices of food, drink and souvenirs were reasonable, and the service was impeccable. I simply cannot find anything negative to say about Prague and, I suspect, the Czech Republic as a whole.

I’m writing instead to apologize, on behalf of the rest of the world, for the way the large majority of the tourists I encountered treated you and your city. I’m deeply sorry that on a daily basis you have to put up with the deplorable behaviour of the (predominantly English) British tourists who click their fingers at you for service and who demand a coffee, a highchair for their screaming two year old, or some suitably English food and then complain loudly when it takes longer than thirty seconds for their demands to materialize. I cannot tell you how embarrassed I am that you have Americans crawling all over your most treasured historical landmarks remarking at how dirty the statues are and how ‘quaint’ and ‘darling’ your proud civic buildings appear. I cannot even begin to understand how frustrating it must be when groups of German tourists argue with you every time you bring them their bill, and who ask whether they are being charged for the milk in their coffee, the sugar in their tea, and the bread on their table. And for the two Japanese tourists who requested two glasses of warm milk for their powdered dietary supplements because the Czech food was too fattening… I have no words.

I know that many of you earn your living working in the hospitality or tourism industries that are supported by visitors to Prague, and I’m sure that many of you have had pleasant encounters with the majority of the tourists you’ve come into contact with. Perhaps I visited your city at the wrong time of year, when cheap flights brought uncultured philistines to Prague who otherwise may not have been able to afford the trip. I hope this is the case. But if it isn’t, and if you do spend every day of the year being polite to rude, inconsiderate, and unappreciative tourists, I hope one day you take a leaf out of the Parisians’ book and start being rude back. Your city is too proud, too beautiful, and too intelligent to be subjected to the ignorami currently traipsing its streets. Now is as good a time as any to take Prague back from the idiotic foreigners.

Yours sincerely,

Amy.